Which son do I miss the most?

Which son do I miss the most?

We have all heard it from our friends and even said it ourselves – “boy I miss my son being a little boy – do they have to grow up?”  Yea, they do, fortunately or unfortunately, they all do grow up and get older. But we all miss them as little boys – no matter how old they get.

CCI09272014_00011I look at pictures of Andrew when he was five or six or even ten years old. The smile. The innocence. The potential. He was always happy, smiling, and fooling around as that little boy. He was a good student – not great, but good.  He was a good hockey player – not great, good – but a great teammate. He was a coach’s player – all of his hockey coaches loved him, as they all have come to his memorial games and praised him as a gracious teammate and as a student of the game. I look at the pictures of him when he was in elementary school, and he is smiling and laughing in every one of them. He very rarely cried, really never got upset over trivial crap, and always had a positive attitude. Whenever we had teacher meetings they would tell us how much of a pleasure he was in class. He didn’t always do his homework, or follow instruction – but nevertheless, he was fun to have in the class.

I really miss my little Andrew.

0285Then there was the high school and college Andrew. The one wearing a suit once in a while and caring about how he looked and what others thought of him. Still laughing and fun, but a little more serious as he grew up. He focused on things that he enjoyed, or that challenged him. He discovered a Rubik’s cube and studied it until he figured out how to solve it. He did not just solve it – he had to figure out how to solve it, so he could repeat it. He perfected it to the point that he was able to solve it in less than a minute. That was the focused Andrew. We would talk about life, and what he was going to do when he got older. He learned how to program – some in school but mostly on his own. He taught himself to play the electric guitar by watching YouTube videos and listening to his friends; he was too impatient to take lessons once a week. He had many friends, both a hockey group of friends, and a group from school. He took up snowboarding while in high school, and we made many trips to local mountains, as well as New England so we could all ski together – but he was by far the fastest and best amongst us, although Nicole did keep up with her big brother. Then we would all get together as a family at the end of the day and enjoy a great family dinner. Those were special times. He also learned to drive, and loved driving and loved his car. It set him free – driving with the windows open, stereo on, no shoes….I loved to drive with him just to see the relaxation and enjoyment on his expressive face.

I really do miss that Andrew as well.

Then there is the Andrew I never got to meet. And I think I might miss him the most.

I will miss Andrew starting to work and telling me about his job and what he is doing. Telling me about what he enjoys at work and what his challenges are, about the problems he is solving and the friends he is making at work. I will miss going skiing with him in the exotic places we talked about but never got to go. We wanted to go skiing in Europe or Canada one day, I think I would have liked doing that with my son. One thing I will miss of course is Andrew getting married and starting his own family. Listening to the complaints and stresses he has with his son – and reminding him of what he was like as a little boy – and smiling. Watching him mature into a man, working his way up the corporate ladder, or more likely building his own business so he could make his own decisions and be in charge.

I think I really would have liked to grow old one day, and have my son come visit me, sit down on the deck and talk about life.  Hopefully he would have grown up and matured enough to actually listen to me and to take my advice. But I could only hope for that.

I really do miss him.

Yes, they have to grow up, but they leave us with many great memories along the way.

18 thoughts on “Which son do I miss the most?

  1. Mom

    My thoughts are with you. I do miss him and his warm and gentle personality.
    He was a beautiful young man and I know he would have accomplished
    many great things in his lifetime. He will be forever in my heart.

  2. Karen

    Well said, my friend. Well said. We love you and send lots of energy to you, Dorothy and Nicole. And to Andrew because really, all of his variations are still here in some way.

  3. Margie Borth

    Thank you for this post today. My son’s death anniversary is in 2 days. His name was also Andrew. “Never Forget Andrew” was the subject line in my email today. I take this as a sign, as I am having a very bad week. He passed away in 2014 as well. He was just 24. OxyContin stole him from us.

    There is so much I will miss about my Andrew too, as you miss your precious Andrew as well.

  4. Don Begier

    I relate to all of this! I too miss the Beau I will never know on this planet. Thank you for sharing your heart and Journey as well as your sweet Andrew with all of us. Peace!

  5. Bron

    Such a moving note you have written
    With each word I feel we got to know him
    I love the photos of you with him
    How blessed he was to have you as a dad ?

  6. Chuck

    I love this story because your heart is fully in it. What a simple, common thing people enjoy every day–but an impossible dream for a few of us. Bless you for your strength and the reminder to always think about our angel children.

  7. Maureen Hodges

    Thank you very much for writing about your son at different points in time. I smiled as I read things that reminded me of my son Bryan, who was killed in a motorcycle accident/vehicular manslaughter at the age of 20 in 2011. He was the “pleasure to have in class” who didn’t work to his potential. He was the great teammate in Little League. He’s not going to get married and have kids. I think that’s the saddest part for me, because he was a caring, patient person who I imagined was going to be a great dad. I’m very sorry for your loss. <3

  8. Pat

    I feel you are writing about me son Corey … every memory you have if your son is identical to me son … how I love and miss him

  9. Marcia Sklar

    The emotion of your writing resonates within my physical and spiritual self. Once again, I thank you for sharing- and having the ability to reach people on many levels. For me, it puts love and longing for things that can’t be, together with the memories
    that make me grateful for what I have.
    I never had the honor to meet Andrew, yet
    I know I’ll never forget him.


    Perry, it’s been a long time since I saw any of your posts. This one is very well-written and touched me deeply.

    I plan to order your book and wish you every success with it, and hope others will find the meaning you so aptly convey.

  11. Kathleen

    I do enjoy reading your posts. They are raw, honest and full of love. Thank you for reminding me to savor precious moments with loved ones. Andrew would have been so proud.

  12. Molly Samett

    I wish to purchase the book as well. Can I purchase it through you by sending you a check?
    Maybe you can autograph it for me…?
    You are a warm, loving, very talented human being and my dear friend.


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